Maybe Someday...

It is amazing how fast my world stopped spinning last night.  I was stressed about exams and working three jobs and I was almost in tears because of it all.  Things seemed to be moving so fast without any sign of slowing down anytime soon, but not only did it slow down but it stopped completely and it did it a lot sooner than I imagined, but it did, it all stopped as soon as my mom mom said "hey I have something to tell you" I figured it was going to be something stupid and I was like okay only half listening to her and then everything crashed when she said "Uncle Don passed away today".  That is how my world stopped yesterday.  I am waiting for it to start spinning again but it seems to hardly be moving anymore.

Too many thoughts going through my head right now, exams, work, family, funeral, and about a million more things.  It broke my heart to hear my mom cry last night.  She was really close to her brother Don and I know that she is hurting.  I tried to be strong and not cry on the phone but as she told me that she loved me as she was hanging up, I said "love you too" hung up the phone and for the first time in a long time I cried.  I cried not only for the loss of my uncle but for all the other things that have been building up as well.  It felt good to cry, felt good to have a reason, felt good to just let it all out.

Trying to stay busy though so I do not get to down.  Still busy working the Bull Pen at the Central Michigan Ticket Office.  I love being here, the boys make me smile.  Oh man, do they ever.  The look on Terman's face when he was playing basket ball with the 4 foot kiddie basketball hoop and the ball literally disappeared into the open tile in the ceiling when he went in for a rebound was AMAZING!  These boys sure keep it interesting and make me smile:)  This is what I need right now, funny guys, smiles, and crazy times here in the bull pen.  Travis is funny, he was supposed to be in at 7 and when I got here at 10 he was not here.... he claims he forgot to put his clothes in the dryer, so he did that and went to lay back down till they were done but did not wake up till 10!  What a goof ball!  But what matters is that I beat him here today and that makes me better.  Ha ha ha!  Oh how Terman and Trav put a smile on my face:)

I just need to get through today and I will be set, well until the funeral that is.  I am scared, I have never been to one before, I hope that the casket is closed or that they cremate him because I do not think I can handle seeing him like that.  Death scared me so much, not that I am afraid to die but just when people die and all that stuff, that is what scares me.  I hope that I can be strong enough for my mom, that is my biggest concern.  I just need to get all the tears now and I will be fine.  I hope anyhow.

"In life you can't get caught up in wishing for something that won't happen"

Okay shocked I know, but I have just been really super busy lately.
Okay so it is not a good excuse but really I have been going non stop these last few days.
Sure there were times when I "could have" taken the time but I was really studying for my exams.
Exams, oh man, those start tomorrow.
One exam tomorrow, I can handle that, it should be fairly easy.
Pancake breakfast tomorrow at midnight!
Count me in!!!
Count me in with my friends there too!
Friends I cannot wait to see you.
Is this really going to be the last pancake breakfast for some of you?
Tears in my eyes because after this week, my friends are gone.
Off to start new lives and venture in new ways.
That will be me in about two years.
I can wait though, as long as I am given the time I need I can wait.
Exam Tuesday, it should be pretty simple so I am not too worried.
No worries for Tuesday.
Work Tuesday night though, good time to do last minute studying, well maybe!
Wednesday, well I am not looking forward to that exam.
That one is going to take the most work of them all, but I can do it.
I hope.
Last exam on Thursday, I can hardly wait!
Thursday's exam should be so-so, as long as I study good I will be all set.
Work again Thursday night, no homework or studying to do though!
Relax Friday and catch up on the sleep I will be lacking.
Right now I am lacking an entire nights sleep.
Got up at 7am yesterday and it is now 12:30pm the next day and I am still going!
Slowing down a bit but still going.

Friends I have missed you so much.
This weekend was just what I needed.
I know I do not deserve it but thank you!
Thank you more than anything.
I never knew how much I missed you girls until this weekend.
For getting NO sleep at all last night I am doing pretty good!
I am going to go home and take a nap though.
Just as soon as I leave work!
Last night though put a smile on my face I do not think it has even left.
Who knew it was possible that nice, decent, caring, and not to mention cute guys still existed?
Not me and I was taken my surprise this weekend to meet one,
Funny we went to the same school for two years and never talked?
Oh well things happen for a reason.
Things happen at certain times for certain reasons.
We just have to learn to be patient and it will come.
Sure being patient is not always easy but life is not suppose to be easy.
If it was then where would the fun be?
That is just how I look at it.
All good things will come to you when the time is right.
Just be patient, take a deep breath, and enjoy the scenery while you wait!

1. My real name?
Amanda

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (first 4 or 5 letters of real name plus izzle)
Amandizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fav color and fav animal):
Yellow Otter

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, and childhood street):
Paige Vernon  (really does sound like one)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name):
Shiamshor

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
Indigo Coke

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):
Mighwby

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (grandmother and grandfather's first name)
Madelynn Donald

9. YOUR GOTH NAME (black, and the name of a pet):
Black Bud

10. YOUR PORN STAR NAME (One of your pets names, and a street you've lived on):
Rosie Beaver

"If I could rewind time I would, not because I like what happened but so I would not make the mistake of you"

    I had an AMAZING night last night.  It was really what I needed after this crazy messed up week I have had.  Went to my friend Emily and Pauline's (future roomie) black and white party and it was SOOOOO much fun.  I supported the theme by wearing white pants and a black sweater.  Em and AmyJo were there too and even though Em and I lost in beer pong it was still fun!  Fun to forget about things, fun to hang see my friends, fun to laugh again, and fun to not hurt anymore. 

   Now here I sit at work wishing I was anywhere but here.  Just in one of those moods where I want to lay in bed all day and watch movies.  But I am stuck here at work till 11 and I get to be back here tomorrow at 3, Whoo Hooo!!!!

   I have tons of homework that I can work on tonight, an exam to study for that I have on Tuesday that is going to be a doozie if I do not study so I think I will be doing some of that tonight along with watching Happy Feet that one of my co-workers left here, so I might pop that in tonight for a bit.

    It is getting better each day, there is still a pain inside my heart but at least he know what it feels like now, knows that it feels like someone punched you in the stomach and knocked the wind out of you, stabbed you in the heart and twisted the knife back and forth.... it does not feel good, it hurts like hell to say the least.  But I am moving on now because I deserve better, I deserve someone that is not going to cheat on me, that is going honestly love me, someone that is going to be truthful, someone that thinks I am the world. And I am not saying that to sound like a brat but that is how it should be..... the guy you are with should think you are his world and you should think the same.

"it's better to have loved and lost then to never of loved at all" <------ well that's just horse shit!!!!!

I was right he was "the one"....
the one to break my heart
the one to make me cry
the one to cheat on me
the one to hurt me
the one to make me lose sleep at night
the one to make me care
the one to not care
the one to lie
the one to pretend
the one to be fake
the one to be an ass
the one to leave me wondering
yeep he was "the one"

   But I think this weekend I am going to take the good advice from a good friend that I got today at work and see what happens.  I am not going to dwell on this..... I am moving on and living the rest of my life just like nothing is wrong.  Sure my heart is broken and I feel like a knife has been stabbed in my heart and I can't breath, sleep, or eat but I am going to move on and smile like everything is fine.  Why?  Because he does not get to be the one to make me hurt, he is not going to be the one that I cry over, he is not going to be the reason I lie awake at night wondering about.  Nope I am moving on and I am taking my broken heart with me.

"love you until forever"

    Well today has been an amazing day so far.  I slept like a baby last night, but then again I did not get ANY sleep the night before and had been up since 7am the morning before. Not to mention the thunderstorm going on outside, I loved it.  They help me sleep, the only thing that was missing was him.  But he will not be missing tonight!  I could not get lucky have have another thunderstorm tonight could I?  How amazing would that be!

    Lunch with My Nikki today but a smile on my face!  Good conversation all through lunch... it really helped to hear my thoughts out loud and get her input as well.  It helped me a lot.  I am so glad that I got to know her instead of going by my "first impression" hahaha I love you Nikki!!!!

   Even though I am at work right now it is not too bad, already been here for three hours and only five more to go but it has been going by pretty fast so I am not too worried about it not to mention I get to see him tonight all night and that puts a real big smile on my face!

   I am still kind of tired from missing an entire night sleep the other day... I tried to take a quick nap after class and lunch before I had to come to work but I would fall asleep for like 5 to 10 minutes and wake up like I over slept and was late for work and I think that it made me more tired by doing that.  Oh well I know I will get a good nights sleep tonight.  I sleep better with him, I feel safe, I feel like nothing bad can happen to me whenever I am with.  I love him!

   Work is pretty quiet tonight, had one walk in and then one reservation for tonight has already checked in so I really have nothing to look forward to except a possible walk in and phone calls.  I do not even have and laundry to do tonight.  How did I get that lucky??? 


   p.s.  I really will love you until forever too!!!  thanks for everything you do for me, thanks for loving me like you do!

"you know you have had to much to drink when you think the bartender is good looking" - Vanessa

   Oh last night sure was a fun night, as I am sure everyone else thinks so too.  I hope everyone was safe and did not go home with any strange men (or women) last night!

   I am sure tired and feeling it this morning though that is for sure.  My own fault though, should have come home before 4am.... oh well, I am here, bright eyed and all!  Much thanks to Brandy for switching me shifts too!  

   Funny story... last night I was at my friends apartment because she was having a St. Patty's Day Party (of course) and well her stupid neighbors thought we were being too loud and called the police.  So they showed up and me looking like I am about 18  and a beer in my hand the cop asked to see my I.D. and do you think that I could find it....?  Nope not a chance so I was hand-cuffed and put in the back of the police car and they were asking me all kinds of questions and the only one that I could not answer was what my S.S. # was.... so I told them to call the place where I bought the beer and see if my I.D. was there and so they did and so then I got to ride over there and they got my I.D. and confirmed that I was who I said I was and I was 21 and then they took me back to my friends house and that was pretty much the end of it.  Kind of scary for awhile even though I knew I did not do anything wrong but it still makes your heart beat fast.

    Well I better get to the papers I need to write for class this week!  Have a good week girls!

"there is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved"


   I would have to say that last night was amazing!  Sure there were a few tears that were maybe a little unnecessary but you scared me to death.  Had me worried like I have never worried before, scared like I have never been scared before.  I was so afraid something happened to you, thankfully nothing did because I think that my world would have stopped if something did.  Actually I know that it would, because you mean the world to me Ace.
    I am so happy now that we are together!  I feel the need to get out of bed in the morning, I look forward to your phone calls and spending time with.  I really am 100% happy just laying there with your arms around me, I could not ask for anything better. My life feels complete with you in it Ace, I feel like this is all meant to be and it is only going to keep getting better as time goes on.  It's only been a short time since we have been together but it seems like it has been forever.  Each day that goes by I thank God for putting you in my life, for making me smile, for loving me.  Each day that goes by I realize that I am so lucky, so blessed, and so amazed that I fall more in love with you every day.
    Last night you made me smile, smile so big you have NO idea.  You made me feel that for once someone cared, for once someone actually cared about me and nothing else.  You care about my feelings, my thoughts, my dreams, my everything.  You are my everything Ace, I do not know what I would do if I ever lost you but I do not have to ever worry about that because we both know that is not going to happen.  Last night I gave you my heart after we had a talk, I told you that I did not want you to say it to me unless you meant it with all of your heart and you looked me in the eyes and said it.  I can tell you how much my heart melted.  I was scared at first but the look in your eyes let me know that you did mean it with all your heart and that you were never going to leave me, I love you too Ace, more then anything in the world.

"good things do not happen to me"
"good thing this is a GREAT thing then!"

  Oh how you know just the right words to say to make me smile and my heart beat faster.  I could never ask for anything better then you.  It is true though, good things to do not happen to me and when they do I just wait for my entire world to crash.  It is good that this is not just a good thing but a great thing! 

   The first night after he left I was laying in my bed thinking to myself how happy I was, how much he made me smile, made me feel loved, made me feel good to be me, I realized that he is "the one" and as scary as that is it makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.  When my phone rings the ring I have him set too my heart beats faster and a smile appears on my face.  Every time I see him I like him more and more.  It is like I fall for him over and over again every time I see him.  I love that feeling.  Even as I am typing I feel my heart beat a little faster and there is a smile on my face.  There is so much more I want to say about it all but it just one of those things that you cannot explain no matter how hard you try, but I think it is better that way.  The things that you cannot explain are the best things sometimes.  In this case it is one of those best things.

    Late night last night, well not really but let me tell you it sure did suck to realize that I had to get up an hour earlier because of this stupid thing someone came up with and we all have to set our clocks ahead an hour.  Whoever came up with that idea is NUTS!!!  I personally like the time in the fall when we get to set our clocks back an hour.  Who does not like an extra hour of sleep??? You would not hear me complaining about that one that is for sure.  Went to a Monster Truck Rally last night with him and it was funny.  Met his dad and step mom, they were both really nice, it always makes me so nervous to meet parents.  I have never not had any like me it just makes me nervous is all, even more so with his parents because I see this going somewhere for a long time and having them not like me just would not be a good thing.  Anyways it was fun last night, I am really just happy spending time with him, but it was a new experience for me and a good one at that!

    We were pretty busy here last night at work, no place to park this morning when I got here... not to mention people think that it is cool to leave just enough room for you to park but not to open your door and get out of your car.  They need to go back to driving school if they cannot park correctly.  Really it is not that hard, I promise.  Not to busy this morning yet though.... I am thinking that it might be late checkouts due to the time change and all.  Had a few people come down and not realize it until I told them.  Which proves my point even more, we should not have to do it!

    Well it is back to school for eight more weeks and then it is summer!  I cannot wait!  I need summer to be here, sure I just got done with Spring Break but I need the summer and warm weather and sun!  Not to mention I will be taking a cruise this summer as long as things go as planned!  My friend is getting married this summer in August, I will be moving into my apartment in June as well as my parents will be going on a two week vacation to Arizona in June as well.  A few things to do this summer so at least it will stay interesting for me!

"sometimes things are too good to be true, but sometimes they can get so much better!"


  Pretty tired this morning that is for sure, but in all reality I should not be because I had at least seven hours of sleep last night but it was a long day so maybe that is why my eyes are so heavy.  My mom and I went up to Traver City shopping all day but when we were done there we still felt like shopping so we went to Midland for a few hours.  Needless to say my feet were pretty darn sore by the time I crawled into bed last night.  It was so nice to spend the day with my mom, it has been a long time since it has just been her and I doing something, and what better way to spend a day together then to spend it shopping.  Spent some money yesterday but not a lot, I impressed myself, I also left my credit card at home so I would not be tempted to spend money that I did not have.

  This has been an amazing week for me!  Not only was it my spring break but I was also able to spend time with my family down in Bay City, sure the circumstances sucked MAJORLY but it was still good to see everyone.  I also was able to spend time with him this weekend.  That sure made me smile.  I am happy when I am with him, it almost seems to good to be true, that it scares me.  Good things do not happen to me and I am just waiting for it to all come crashing down.  Who knows though, maybe this time it wont, maybe this time it will just keep getting better! 

    Work is just ticking by today, it seems like I have been here for hours and it has only been forty minutes.... I hope the entire day is not like this... that would make for one heck of a day!  However, I do have my book with me so I will be able to do some reading today and I have Debbie here to keep me company and talk to me!  Oh how I love working with Debbie!  She is like a mom to us front desk girls and we love her and her cooking!!!!

"the camera don't lie"


   Wow, I am in need of a nap, my eyes are so tired today but they are wide open, so wide that Harold (my boss) asked me if there was something wrong with my eyes.  I laughed and just told him I was tired.  But it is a good tired, it is a worth it tired. 

    After work last night I went home and took a nap, it felt really good to just crawl in bed and close my eyes and just lay there and rest, to not have to worry about anything, the only thing that would have made it better was if you were there napping with me because I know that you needed it but I also wanted you there with me.  Got up and had some dinner, well had a bake potato, did not have much of an appetite and I really haven't for a few days, not sure why though.  Watched a little television after dinner and then went to the movies to see "wild hog" with him and we took his little sister and her boyfriend with us.  It was such a funny movie, laughed all the way though it.  The roads were terrible last night, made for slow travels, but better to be safe then sorry.
 

"love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into the room and smile at you"

  It felt good to feel safe last night, I was finally able to sleep the entire night without waking up every twenty minutes in a panic because I was scared.  You snore though, not the kind of snore that keeps you up all night but the cute kind of snore that wakes you up at first but then you fall right back to sleep.  It made me smile that every time I would roll away from you just to get comfy again you rolled with me, it made me smile that in the middle of the night you woke up to go to the bathroom came back and touched my arm to find that it was cold and you turned the heat up and covered me with the blankets and then held me tight.  I felt safe in your arms, I did not want the morning to ever come, but it did and you had to go to work and so did I.  It made me smile that after the alarm went off and you turned it off you got back into bed and just held me.  I cannot tell you how good that felt and after that I really did not want you to go to work, but you did.  I could have slept for another hour but I did not.  I decided to get up and get ready for my eight hours of work.  It was a rough morning after you left though, I got soap in my eye, slipped getting out of the shower, stubbed my toe on the door, hit my head with the blow dryer, burned myself with the curling iron, and then poked myself in the eye with my eyeliner.  But that was all okay and I still smile because of my night with you. I know it is not good to be selfish but I want another night with you but I want it to last longer, I want no alarms in the morning and just let it be how it is.  I want you to just hold me until my heart's content.  I know that you would not appose to any of this either, which makes me smile.  I smiled this morning when you said "I wish I could turn the clock back five hours so I could just hold you"  I smiled big when you said that.

   I am super tired this morning though, four hours of sleep is not enough, even more so when I worked eight hours last night and have to work eight more this morning.  I will be taking a nap when i get out of work today that is for sure!  Even though a nap with you would be better, but I will have tonight with you so that is okay.  Oh by the way Happy Birthday!  I was glad that I was the first one to say it to you, and I loved that when I said Happy Birthday you did not say thank you but instead said "so what did ya get me?"  I just laughed and said "a punch in the face."  Punch and kiss those are the same thing right?  Well if not it works for me.

"you're beautiful the way you are"

Why does he think that he can do this to me?
Even worse why do I let him?
Why does he think that it does not hurt?
Even worse why do I let it?
Why does he think he is better?
Even worse why am I not?
Why does he think I am nothing?
Even worse why do I?
Why does he think that he can push?
Even worse why do I let him?
Why does he think he can walk away and come back?
Even worse why do I let him?



    Ugggg, why is he such a.... douche bag?  Why are guys complete jerks?  Why do I always pick the ones that take my heart and break it?  Why do I let the same guy do it over and over again?  You would think that I would learn the first time, but I have not, I get it, I am stupid.... but a small part of my heart hopes that he will change, that he will get better so we can be better, so we can be good, so we can be happy.  Instead he continues to walk in and out of my life and each time the knife digs deeper, each time he turns it just a little more, each time I am left with more pain, more tears, and more questions.  Well this time I am the one that walked out, I did not even turn around and say good-bye, I just walked right on bye, no tears in my eyes, a pain in my heart yes but at least there are no more tears.  I have cried all the tears I am EVER going to cry over him. I am not going to let him just come and go as he pleases, I have a life, I have feelings, he cannot do that to me anymore.  The End!


  For the past two weeks I have been talking to an old friend that I have not see since the summer I graduated from high school (3 years ago).  So him and I have been hanging out, well we had been talking and we hung earlier this week and it was nice, it was really just like old times and it was nice to see him again.  Lots of smiles and tickle fights and that is just what I needed. Smiles up the wahzoo too!  We watched Cars and he would laugh at me because I knew when they were going to say "ca chu, ca chu" and I would say it about 2 seconds faster then the movie would and it was great.... it was really good to be with someone to respected, cared, liked, and saw me for who I was.  I did not feel like I had to be someone else when I was around him.  I knew that he would see me for me and he would like that.  I never felt like I had to be someone or something I was not with him.  I miss being able to just be myself.  He is good for me, I just hope that he sticks around, my heart cannot take being broken again by anyone.

   I thought that by March we would be out of this stupid snow and winter weather, but no we get one of the biggest storms of the year on the first day of the month.  I am ready for some sunshine in my life, I love to feel the warmth of it on my skin and that is what I need about now, some warm sunny days!  Hopefully this will be the last one, ya know since the ground hog never did see his shadow, spring should be just around the corner!  I hope so anyways!  Well I took my last exam today (even though they should have closed CMU, but they are dumb and did not until last this afternoon) and now it is SPRING BREAK!!!! Not that I am going anywhere, I imagine most of my time will be spent working, but that is okay, maybe I will get lucky and get to work with Miss Jenni and if I get that lucky I will make her those brownies that she likes so much! 

  I expected that we would be pretty slow and dead tonight because of the weather but we are about half full right now, mostly just because people are stopping in because the roads are bad and will continue to travel in the morning. Or because they do not have power.  I myself will be staying here tonight since I have to be back tomorrow at 7am.  Makes no sense to drive home in this crap to turn around in less then six hours and drive back so I will be staying here tonight.  Debbie is also here as well, she even bought me dinner, she is so much like a mom and I love it.  The kind of mom that you can talk to about anything and I do mean ANYTHINGI It is fun.  She came down here and was like want me to bring you down a beer? HA! Debbie is so great! I love her!  Well only about an hour or so left to go, and I am SUPER tired.... I will hopefully sleep good tonight. I was up all last night studying for my exam today.  I will also get about an hour more of sleep since I will not be driving home and back tonight and tomorrow morning, which is even better for me! 

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word. No more.

Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

" you still have a piece of my heart and I would like it back please"

  I am scared, scared of so many things, but most of all I am scared of you.  Scared of what will happen this time, will it be like last time?  Will it be worse.... or maybe better?  I do not know and that is what scares me.  You broke my heart once before and I have finally put it all back together only to have you come back into my life again.  Do I embrace this because it is what I wanted so bad in the past?  Or do I run full speed in the other direction because of what you have done to me, what you are capable of doing (again)?  I feel like a rope in the game tug-o-war... being pulled in two different directions not knowing where my fate lies.... which side of the line am I going to end up on?  What we had was so amazing, was so good,  but you hurt me, hurt me so deep and then just poured salt into it and made it hurt even more.  I am at a loss and I have no idea what to do.  I told you that I did not know what to do, I did not know what to say... you looked at me and said it is simple... I asked you how so and you said because I still have a piece of your heart and as I sat there just looking at you across the room and you got up and came and knelt in front of me so your face was just inches away from mine and said "I love you"  of all the time we were together I waited so long, prayed every night , hoped every time I saw you that I would hear you say those words.... and now after all the shit you made me go through on my own and did not want anything to do with any of it, NOW you come back and say "I love you"?  Please explain to me how this works because I do not get it, not even a little bit.  I am so confused, my mind is spinning around and around and my heart, well my heart is feeling like it is getting ready for open heart surgery.  Scared to death because it can either make things better or it can flat line.  My life is on the line here and I do not know what to do....

"how can you just walk on by, without one tear in your eye"

  I am so super proud of you, you did it, you did something so hard for you.  I know how much you just wanted to give up but you did not.  You remained strong, you kept your head held high and you did it.  I am so proud of you.  In the midst of all this we have become so much more close and I cannot begin to tell you how much it means to me.  I love you more then anything in the world, you are my hero and I do not know what I would do if anything EVER happened to you.  I pray your safety each night and now I will have to pray twice as hard, now that you will really be out there.  You did it though, tears and all but it is okay, it is okay to cry those tears, those tears are what brought us closer, those tears are what let me see inside you and you inside me.  I knew that you loved me but I never knew how much I meant to you until all of this.  I never knew that I meant so much to you until all of this, I am sorry that it took this for me to know but I know now and we have the rest of our lives to continue.  I know those cards really helped you and know that I was so happy to send them to you, but to me it was not the card but what I wrote inside the card for you that helped.  Helped you get through all of this and you did.  You did it! I am SO proud of you!  Love you to the ends of the earth and back!!

   Sitting here at work and nothing exciting is really going on, no reservations to come in tonight, no towels to fold because I guess "part-time" did not work today.  Ha ha! So it should be a pretty laid back evening but this phone ringing is going to drive me nuts!!!  It is the same thing every time too "room 220"  ugggg I am going to go crazy if this keeps up ALL NIGHT!  The few of you who know what I am talking about, it is out of control tonight... but I am to nice to yell at them.  I just say "one second" in an annoyed voice hoping that they get the point.

   I am excited for Gray's Anatomy tonight!!!  I swear if anyone calls during the show I am going to go POSTAL!!!!  I cannot miss it tonight... I guess worse come to worse I can just watch it on my "secret" place later in the week! (jenni is the only one that knows my secret!  it is a good one too!!!)  I do not know what I would do without it now. Ha!

   Well I guess I have some studying to get done and a paper or two I can write since I will not have ANY time to do it this weekend, but that is okay it is for a good reason and I cannot wait!!!

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

Wow, it sure has been a long time since I have been here.... well in all fairness I was posting on a different site, I was going though some rough times and I guess I just did not want to burden anyone with having to read all the crap that I was writing about so I just started another blog somewhere else so I could do that.  Things are turning around now though and are getting better so I should be back to my postings on a normal basis now!

Classes have been crazy lately, busy with work and all, just got over having bronchitis and strep all last week which totally sucked but the weekend before I worked at SpringHill and it was AMAZING!!! It was so great to be back there, I tell you what though it sure looked different driving up to Co Co infirmary in all the snow, way different then it looked in the summer, it was kind of empty but yet not at the same time, it brought back a lot of memories.... oh camp... i miss you.

Well some exciting news, I signed my lease with my new roomie for next year, well starting in June which is fairly soon, but it should be a good year, I am looking forward to it! 

Sitting here at work right now... no towels to do tonight.... should be studying for an exam I have on Thursday but I really do not feel like it right now so here I sit distracting myself from it. Well I better get to it.....

"Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason"

Again.... I am back here at work again... made for a short night that is for sure.  I worked last night from 3pm till 11pm just to come back this morning at 7am.  This totally sucks!!! You never get any sleep because by the time I get home it is about 11:30pm and by the time I am ready for bed and asleep it is normally about 12am or a little after, just to have my alarm go off at 5:30am to tell me "hey mandie, you get to go to work again".  Boy, Kris I do not know how you do it as often as you do!  Well I am hoping to be able to go home and take a nap after work for a little while.  Well starting Monday I get to go back to CMU!  I am kind of excited about it, it gives me a little something more to do, not to mention Monday nights with my AMAZING small group!!! As well as Wednesday's with the AMAZING Bridge 56 Staff (and some of the kids)!  Speaking of Bridge 56, we are all going ice skating on Sunday... now let's think about this for a minute shall we...  I have never been ice skating before, they say it is a lot like roller blading, well let me tell you that the first time I tried roller blading I did not have those damn things on my feet for more than 10 minutes and I had fallen and broken my arm in two places... it really shows no sign of hope for me.  So if anyone has any tips I will gladly take them... even if it is "mandie, you are a klutz and should not even think about it" I would be okay with that.
Well here is a song that I am listening to right now and the parts that I bolded I think are amazing lines and never really thought about it before but they make a lot of sense if you think about it.



2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a Day", he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

Do you know what movie my favorite quotes come from??? Below I have listed some of my favorite quotes, try and figure out what movie they came from... if you are having a brain fart the answers are below.... try not to cheat!!!


1.) "If I'm not back in five minutes...just wait longer!"
2.) "I'm freezing my royal Rastafarian na-nas off!"
3.) I suppose the life of an anorexic duck doesn't amount to much in the broad scheme of things.
4.) "My ass! I can SEE my ASS!"
5.) Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.
6.) Look at this! I'm so ticked off that I'm molting!
7.) Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
8.) You know, taking us out for ice cream in the middle of a blizzard makes you wonder who the real wack jobs are.
9.) "I myself am... strange and unusual."
10.)"Oh, she's dead. She got hit by a car."
11.) I am not afraid. I can be brave like you. But I know I shall be homesick for you, even in Heaven.
12.) I suppose I could be pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.
13.) My peanut loving poochy named Shep
14.) Did they teach you how to apologize at lawyer school? 'Cause you suck at it.
15.) She puts the "whore" in "horrifying."
16.) There she is. Princess Pelvis!
17.) "The monkey's his uncle?"
18.) Weeping willow with your tears running down / why do you always weep and frown? / Is it because he left you one day? / Is it because he could not stay? / He found shelter in your shade / You thought his laughter would never fade. / On your branches, he would swing / Do you long for the happiness that day would bring? / Weeping willow, stop your tears / for there is something to calm your fears; / If you think death has ripped you forever apart / I know he'll always be in your heart.
19.) I'm smart; you're dumb. I'm big; you're little. And there's nothing you can do about it.
20.) WHERE'S MY SNACK PACK?!?! 
21.) This is my brother's Ritalin. Ritalin's good for studying math or science, just don't try to write English papers on it or it won't make any sense. Enjoy that.
22.) "Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get."







1.) Ace Ventura Pet Detective
2.) Cool Runnings
3.) Babe
4.) Death Becomes Her
5.) Anger Management
6.) Aladdin
7.) Ferris Bueller's Day Off
8.) Girl Interrupted
9.)Beetlejuice
10.) Happy Gilmore
11.) Little Women
12.) American Beauty
13.) George of the Jungle
14.) Erin Brokovich
15.) Bring It On
16.) The First Wives Club
17.) The Lion King
18.) My Girl
19.) Matilda
20.) Billy Madison
21.) Dead Man On Campus
22.) Forrest Gump


More later.... time for me to go home

"keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you are up to"

Well Happy 2007 everyone!!! It is crazy that it is already 2007.  I remember back when it was 1999 and everyone thought that the world was going to end in 2000.  Well seven years later we are still here, I bet those people that thought the world was going to end feels pretty stupid now that we are still here and nothing really has changed besides us all getting older.

Back here at work again even though I just left at 11:00 last night, I am here again this morning and I am surprisingly not tired.  I must have slept really good last night which is odd to me because I kept waking up every 40 minutes or so.  None the less I get to be back here again this morning, but I think that I may see a nap in my future after I get out of work... well it will have to be after my eye doctor appointment.  I really hope that my eyes have not changed because if they do that means I do not get to have the surgery done to fix my eyes so I never have to wear glasses or contacts again.  The doctor keeps telling me that but since he has been telling me that every time that I go back to get my eyes checked one of them or both of them have changed.  Stupid eyes!!!  Well maybe today will be my lucky day and he will say "no change, let's talk surgery"  I can only hope!

So I have a daily quote sent to my e-mail and the one they sent me today is just too good to not share it with you guys, so here it is...
   "We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires."
Nice quote, hu?

That is all for the moment...